Lately I’ve been feeling distant from the world. I enjoy spending time alone, taking longer walks, watching movies, listen to music and reading books. Or just chilling alone. I enjoy chat with my best friend but when I’m around more people I get anxious.
Few days ago we had midsummer day also know as St.John’s day. It is holiday here in Lithuania, so usually everybody is doing something fun. Me and my friends went camping. And I found myself very anxious, it felt forced and not right for me. I had to make conversation with people when everything I wanted to do was watch movie in my own bed.
Since it’s the shortest night of the year everybody is partying until early morning and I went to sleep pretty soon. Laying in my tent and hearing everybody still having fun outside made me wonder why I’m not having fun. I felt kind of tired but that never stopped me before. I remember those days when I was partying until 7 a.m. and had the best time of my life and it wasn’t that long time ago so it’s not that I’m getting old or anything.
So I started to think that it’s not my kind of environment. I actually didn’t knew more than half of the people who was there and for all of you introverts out there I think you know exactly how I felt.
I just wanted to fall around my best friend all the time but I didn’t wanted to be pain in the ass. So I just kept sitting by the fire and making small conversations with people I don’t know. For me it was torture.
I’m not going to lie it is hard to be introverted in social situations. It is hard to start a conversation and in my disadvantage I have very not welcoming face (a.k.a bitch face) so nobody really approaches me that often. I started to feel like I’m invisible and nobody would actually notice if I would go to sleep.
I was kind of sad laying in my tent that night, I felt lame and I felt like an outsider. I decided at that moment that I will leave tomorrow although we planned to stay for two nights. Once I said to my closer friends that I’ll leave they acted very cute, trying to convince me to stay.
I felt serene at that moment, I knew that I have few close friends who I truly cherish and love and who care about me. So I decided to leave on that note. Hugged all of them and left.
I believe sometime you need to listen to your heart and don’t force things if it doesn’t feel right. Do I have introverted readers who can relate to me? Leave a comment.
Here’s picture from my weekend trip