Antisocial club

Lately I’ve been feeling distant from the world. I enjoy spending time alone, taking longer walks, watching movies, listen to music and reading books. Or just chilling alone. I enjoy chat with my best friend but when I’m around more people I get anxious.

Few days ago we had midsummer day also know as St.John’s day. It is holiday here in Lithuania, so usually everybody is doing something fun. Me and my friends went camping. And I found myself very anxious, it felt forced and not right for me. I had to make conversation with people when everything I wanted to do was watch movie in my own bed.

Since it’s the shortest night of the year everybody is partying until early morning and I went to sleep pretty soon. Laying in my tent and hearing everybody still having fun outside made me wonder why I’m not having fun. I felt kind of tired but that never stopped me before. I remember those days when I was partying until 7 a.m. and had the best time of my life and it wasn’t that long time ago so it’s not that I’m getting old or anything.

So I started to think that it’s not my kind of environment. I actually didn’t knew more than half of the people who was there and for all of you introverts out there I think you know exactly how I felt.

I just wanted to fall around my best friend all the time but I didn’t wanted to be pain in the ass. So I just kept sitting by the fire and making small conversations with people I don’t know. For me it was torture.

I’m not going to lie it is hard to be introverted in social situations. It is hard to start a conversation and in my disadvantage I have very not welcoming face (a.k.a bitch face) so nobody really approaches me that often. I started to feel like I’m invisible and nobody would actually notice if I would go to sleep.

I was kind of sad laying in my tent that night, I felt lame and I felt like an outsider. I decided at that moment that I will leave tomorrow although we planned to stay for two nights. Once I said to my closer friends that I’ll leave they acted very cute, trying to convince me to stay.

I felt serene at that moment, I knew that I have few close friends who I truly cherish and love and who care about me. So I decided to leave on that note. Hugged all of them and left.

I believe sometime  you need to listen to your heart and don’t force things if it doesn’t feel right. Do I have introverted readers who can relate to me? Leave a comment.

Here’s picture from my weekend tripJoninės2017_086

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13 thoughts on “Antisocial club

  1. Roy McCarthy says:

    Yeah, you’ll notice that many bloggers/writers think of themselves as introvert. And that’s not a negative thing at all. It’s good to be happy in your own company, do the things that you like best. And the people around you ought to recognise and be OK with that.

    I’m perfectly happy spending long periods by myself (though I am way older) though i can chat away with people when the occasion arises. I consider that I have just two very close friends in the world, both of whom I rarely see but that doesn’t matter.

    UNSOCIABLE is a better word than UNSOCIAL I think, the latter implying that you are disruptive, which I’m sure you’re not 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. beyondthisfence says:

    I totally have social anxiety when I go and hangout with groups of people. Small talk is the worst part of it. I too have been feeling distant from everyone and enjoying my time alone. Maybe it’s just a phase or I’m discovering a new part of who I am, I’m unsure. You’re not alone though xx

    Like

  3. raistlin0903 says:

    Oh yeah, I can definitely relate to this a lot. A few weeks ago I had a birthday party over at one of my best friends house. But he had all these people over that I did not know. And what was even worse is that it was a pretty static environment. He had placed a couple of chairs around a table, and there everybody sat and was supposed to talk and enjoy. For me it felt a bit like torture at times. I really am not good around people that I don’t know yet, and it all felt a bit awkward. All in all I was glad the evening was over. I also love staying at home, just watching movies and working on other hobbies. I do look hanging around with friends, but at big social events, or where there are a lot of people I don’t know, it is way more difficult. I am not ashamed of that, and I don’t feel there is anything particularly wrong with that. So, you should not be worried about it either. There is nothing wrong with you, or that you are just enjoying spending time alone at times. Just know there are a lot of people around that have problems with this, so you are not alone 😊

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  4. Blizz says:

    I know exactly how u feel I whenever I go to parties even though I kinda don’t wanna go I’d go anyways and I just didn’t really have fun it’s just not fun environment for me. I thought maybe it was Bcz of where I went but it wasn’t I still felt the same way. There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert it’s kept me away from a lot of potential drama.

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